1. |
The vastness of life
17:42
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part 1
should i change who i am, should i tell a different story?
change my name, change my age; will that draw you back to me?
there’s a ghost in my empty house: memories, the memories
a myth of ourselves that we told ourselves: forever
forever, never
i told you the story of myself that i thought you wanted to hear, wanted to hear
that way you never had the chance to reject me for who i really am
reject me as i am
who would i be if you loved me when you really knew me?
after all these years
can i face myself?
don’t reject me for who i am, don’t reject me for who i am
part 3
so tired of knowing every answer
another day just like the one before
nothing left to chance, no circumstance for the unknown, a fear of uncertainty
fists up, frightened, fighting in vain
now that my house has burned to the ground
i can more easily see the moon
the most beautiful moments remain mysterious
spontaneous, dangerous, forever unclear to us
show me your life, show me how you’ve loved
tell me your secrets, tell me how you’ve lived
now that my house has burned to the ground
i can more easily see the moon
part 5
drifting somewhere lost at sea
baking under a radiant sun
what we once argued about seems so trivial
politics, religion, love, our problems all inconsequential
drifting half a billion miles from the sun
it’s cold and empty, everything I should have done
the vastness of life, so little of it touched
time, always time, rushing by
death waits, we’re not immortal
death waits, we’re not immortal
if only
if only i could live a little more
if only you would whisper into my ear:
“life will pass us in an instant.”
and what have i done with mine?
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2. |
Limitless
03:20
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i shine a light of meaning into the darkness of mere being
it hurts to know how small my life would be, compared to the potential inside of me
am i part of the infinite?
can i be part of the infinite?
infinite
i shine, i glow, i venture into the darkness in search of the essential
it hurts to deny that my soul is crying out to serve that which desires to be expressed
part of the infinite
part of the infinite
i shine, i burn, a star within the darkness; reaching out i’m limitless
am i part of the infinite?
can i be infinite?
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3. |
One promised love
04:29
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holly said she gave herself away. to feel safe, to trust
it got her nowhere, two steps backwards. smiles and promises that meant nothing
the one who demeaned her body, the one who shamed her fears
“one promised love, one promised respect. words, all just words.”
“one promised love, one promised respect. one promised love, just wanted sex
took what they wanted, i gave myself to them
one promised love, one promised respect. one promised love, just wanted sex
one promised love, will you be just like them?”
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4. |
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maybe i could stop by you’ll look at my bike, you know that chain won’t stay on
“unchain my heart,” i’d say in an unironic way, but you’ve heard that a hundred times before
i see you through the shop side door like when we met last summer
i remember you adjusting my seat, and your hands touching me
i never asked anything of you, i never asked anything, never
only if you loved me, better
only if you loved me
only if you loved me, better
than her
the temperature dropped another degree, it will slowly fall to absolute zero
and you’d think by now i’d know for sure, but i’ve grown pretty numb so i’ll wait, i’ll wait,
when i dream you still love me
until all motion stops at absolute zero, i’d say there’s still a chance
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5. |
Affinity
03:12
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the past: fading stories
the future: unknown borders
you linger in my thoughts, i gently let you go
your choice out of my control
in moments of intensity i awaken
love and intimacy
affinity and honesty
let me whisper my dream
so tenderly i open to love
love and intimacy
honesty and affinity
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6. |
Please don't go
03:56
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7. |
Six thirteen
04:43
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8. |
Zug köln
04:08
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9. |
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walking through a grove i approached a man sitting in the grass
he smiled at me as he stood to speak
he said, “i’ll use my finger to point at myself.”
and then instead of pointing at his body he pointed at me
and then he pointed at the river and he pointed at the trees
and he said, “the universe is in you. and you’re in the universe.
the universe is in you. and you’re in the universe.”
he said, “imagine all that is left of your body is a white skeleton lying on the face of the earth.
see the bones of your skull, your ribs, your hips, your legs, your arms, your fingers.
retain a half smile, that skeleton is not you.
your body is not you.
the body, the body, the body.”
and he said, “the universe is in you. and you’re in the universe.
you’re present in every moment. and every moment is in you.”
he said, “smile and breathe as you concentrate on the point of your life’s beginning,
know that it is also the point of beginning of your death.
see that both your life and death exist together.
their existence depends on each other.
the two are not enemies, but aspects of the same reality.”
and he said, “the universe is in you. and you’re in the universe.
if you don’t embrace your death, you’ll hardly know how to live.”
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10. |
Desert rat-kangaroo
03:08
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we think because we’re intelligent, that the universe favors intelligence
we think because we’re alive, that the universe favors life
but what proves to you that you know?
what proves to you that you know?
maybe the universe favored the desert rat-kangaroo
or the passenger pigeon, javan tiger, seems unlikely it would favor me and you
and don’t let it discourage you, don’t let it discourage you
maybe the universe favored the desert rat-kangaroo
or the barbary lion, the golden toad, seems too arbitrary that it would be me and you
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11. |
She's gone
04:02
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she was so incomprehensible, so incomprehensible
she didn’t dance, she seldom laughed, she never cried
she wasn’t the first girl to dump me, but she dumped me on the phone, and it brought out all these old feelings
who would love me and just drop me unless i didn’t deserve love. unless i didn’t deserve love
i guess it shows i was unloveable, you left because i was unloveable
you’re gone, you’re gone, you’re gone; you’re gone away. i just don’t understand
it’s gone, it’s gone, it’s gone; love’s gone away. love’s a lot like insanity, anyway
a couple of photos, a broken boxspring, that’s all that’s left of us
it’s fine, i’m fine, it’s time to move on...
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12. |
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13. |
You're inside me
04:06
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(for sasha)
we’re ephemeral
intimate, transient, so vulnerable
we look up at the stars they’re inside of us
you’re inside me and i’m inside you
stand by my bed telling me stories of who we once were
things i’ve forgotten that made me laugh
we’re all stars
we shine within each other’s eyes
don’t be sad, don’t say life’s unfair
what an amazing, unforgettable life i’ve lived
you’re inside me and i’m inside of you
you’re inside me and i’m inside you, too
the most beautiful moments remain so dear to us
when you first held my hand or when you saw
both my strengths and flaws
or when you were six jumping to bowie in your
yellow raincoat
let’s hold hands now and together we’ll leap
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Black Tape For A Blue Girl Portland, Oregon
Black Tape For A Blue Girl creates darkwave, ethereal, neoclassical, ambient, goth albums. This page also includes my
ambient/electronic music, as well as side-projects. Thanks for listening. Sam
Patrons receive exclusive music: blacktapeforabluegirl.bandcamp.com/patron
Formed in 1986
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Black Tape For A Blue Girl recommends:
Tim, where are you now?
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My collaboration with Projekt electronic artists
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MIX TAPE 4 MATT (name your price)
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This is a mix tape of Black Tape For A Blue Girl songs I created to go along with my erotic novel, Rye.
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Melissa Harris’s shadowy synthpop is carefully crafted and delightfully catchy, gems that reflect darkness and light in equal measure.
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