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A Chaos of Desire (2022 Remaster)

by Black Tape For A Blue Girl

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    ☂️ 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 🔺 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 ☂️ 🔥 ☂️
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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    2LP: 140-gram color vinyl with lyric insert. LP1: gold w/ black splatter, LP2: grimace purple & black marble. Limited edition of 500. Contains the first 12 tracks of the download.

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    2CD in 6-panel digipak with 6-page lyric insert. Limited edition of 500. Disc 1 = Track 1-12. Disc 2 = Chapter ii mixes + one from Chapter iii + two not up digitally.

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  • Full 12-track album with 2 bonus tracks. Limited edition of 30.

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  • A 12" felt slipmat for your turntable!

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  • T-Shirt/Apparel + Digital Album

    Black shirt with the white stylized THE ROPE face.

    These recreate the original 90s T-shirt (black shirt with white ink front, nothing on the back); however rather than boxy 90s-styled shirts that were once the norm, these are printed on American Apparel #2001, the L are on Belle & Canvas, which are nicely-fitted modern-styled Ts. Printed in Northern-Kentucky by our friends at Forest Passage Printing.

    This shirt is available in all sizes. The graphic on the shirt is 7″ wide x 9″ tall. Click here for AA’s sizing chart. www.somethinggreek.com/pages/american-apparel-2001-unisex-jersey-tee- size-chart

    Please send photos wearing your shirt and I will add them to this page. And/or post on Twitter.

    Export shipping is my best estimate on the cost (Canada=$12 / World=$23). If your package turns out to be more expensive I will email and ask for the additional paid via paypal. Thanks for understanding.

    In the shirt... check out Chase Dobson's music at cdbsn.bandcamp.com

    Includes unlimited streaming of A Chaos of Desire (2022 Remaster) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ... more
    ships out within 4 days
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you say “the air is so dense,” as you sit motionless… trying to understand the swirl: the speeding walls of memories and possibilities and uncertainties that refuse to stop spinning about you. the forces that obscure plans once so clear. the emotions that confuse as they tempt — laying out every potential experience as the promised route… calling you forth to participate in the carnival… to play the clown and the juggler… balance all existence upon the whims of this fleeting moment. relinquish your heart to the pull, and lose (perhaps forever?) all you had set out for. pulled deep within the dense cloud, to languish within experience. to never face the crumbling reality that once kept you afloat. to lose sight of yourself; within the chaos — you follow.
your voice could awaken me, is what makes my life impossible knowing we’ve severed every tie, (the control we possess) yet remain bound to each other knowing how i long for the one i once loved, (and once i’ve lost) the one who once loved me knowing what i’ve lost — (yet never knowing) what is it like to have that beyond reach? knowing that your voice will destroy any new dreams i create knowing i’ll do the things that you desire life moves on. lie in wait. unaffected. unconscious. knowing that your voice will destroy any new dreams i believe in a chaos of desire knowing i love you... there’s no longer, anything i can do there’s no longer, anything i can do about it
innocent embraces turned to dream in textures like lovers but would i go through with this? entangled, enraptured, entwined our bodies lie your kiss, the fear, my thoughts explode... didn’t you notice i wanted you? pandora’s box: trapped within the tree of knowledge desire’s there, my longing despair, how could it have led us here? she said she was the flame: all that’s touched, consumed she said that she burned through those that she loved... somehow i thought we could not be harmed — but we lost our innocence i’m sorry for falling in love with you. i’m sorry for tearing us apart. what’s really there? curiosity? burning through all that we loved. i’m sorry for falling in love with you. i’m sorry for tearing us apart. unleashed despair, desire’s there — hope is all that remains i’m so sorry have you forsaken me? have you forsaken me? i’m sorry for falling in love with you. i’m sorry for tearing us apart. unleashed despair, desire’s here, hopes all remain inside pandora’s box, the innocent. why does it seem i always blame? for what i did, for what i did... didn’t you notice i wanted you? i’m sorry for falling in love with you, all that’s touched was consumed… all that’s touched was consumed... we lost our innocence.
very word you trusted, did i lie to you? am i the one to destroy everything? i, the one you place your faith in tear me down, tear me down, tear love from my mind (draw me in, draw me in, never go) tear through the lies that mask my eyes, that deceive me (your feelings disappear ) tear through the hungry ghost that lingers to feed on me (who else to rely on? who else to love?) empty me empty me every word you trusted now i question (how you draw away) every word i understood now dissipates (no more feelings? my friend?) how can i leave when you love me? (no more honesty?) how can i leave when everything is so clear? (no more trust)
the hypocrite is me, the hypocrite is me once i found my inner truths now i’m lost, i cannot act: still bound by the rules bury my feelings deep inside “emotionally impotent,” your words turn shard and fall “incapable of love,” as you slash through the air the biggest risk to be myself shine shuttered lights into my eyes i cannot escape, unending lies my inspiration turns to my disguise my inspiration turns to my disguise
far above, they lie in wait. suspended, like omnipresent gods… roughly focused figures that shout and pace with impatience; as their echoed voices enrapture, with words that possess. that hold me still, beneath the icy floe. yet masked by the depths of darkest blue, i see their movements bend and lose all meaning… their power momentarily drains, viewed with perspective. and all that remains are the facades, which i could easily tear down and destroy. yet eagerly i await the claws which will reach down through my powerless lucidity. reach down into the world which i fear to obtain, and draw me back… as i beg to be bound by the mirages i empower.
how might i define this fractured image that still lies before me? beautiful. entrancing. shattered, in a damp cloth. if you were to once again land at my feet, would i be able to help you up? how could i hold you within my arms and let you whisper your delicate secrets? how could i rejoin you, to explore your hidden worlds? how could i ever expect you to implicitly trust me again?
this one last gasp of breath makes going under that much more terrifying one last hope to cling to as i sink — as i search for my destruction waiting for a single word to misread as a sign of your compassion — but it never came now i’m dragged under: relinquished of all blame it was you who let me down, who failed to recognize me you dragged me under, you gave up hope. it was you who let me down… you failed to save me one last grasp to draw me under — break the surface and now see clear your image defines what i can’t have — unobtainable: the way i need you one last scrap of hope to cherish — nightmares are better than no dreams at all i created you, so i’d fail — now i am fulfilled i created you, so i’d fail — now i am fulfilled
now i only see our intimacy lost — these thoughts repeatedly creep back to mind. trivial details. reminders that certain objects and actions can never again possess their simple meaninglessness. that they will always linger in an over-defined state. that they now possess and hide our intimacy — that they eternally capture and freeze us. and dance back as secrets, as memories… my tormentor. rooms that slowly overtake me: when i think that i can return to some form of peaceful existence. rooms and toys and thoughts and laughter that seem forever intertwined with my thoughts for you. fleeting moments of who we were, that keep my life from moving on. i feel rocked into a comfortable way of life, in which i prefer to live with these reminders… rather than make my new beginnings.
i stumble upon a face, perhaps like yours, set apart from the darkness by illuminating reds and maroons. i watched, secretly, and understood. i felt i knew what you were going through: as you paced impatient circles and danced your slow spiral of desire. your path which wound through all experience. through darkened suffering reflected in your bright deep-set eyes and lush sad lips. slowly engulfing, your anger towards this emptiness. perhaps you understood my facade, too. perhaps you would understand, if i told you i feared facing myself. feared to admit that i hid nothing; that i was ultimately empty, inside. perhaps your touch would have awoken me… to lead me to the same conclusion i now reach… the same despair i face as i watch you walk away, dark and flowing — slowly vanishing into the amber haze which leaves us still inexplicably bound to one another. bound to question these actions which we still blame ourselves for.
i wear these chains of color now for i thought i loved you so and they’re all i have to remind me how much i still feel for you and think of you how good seeing you makes me feel and how much i miss you and how i still cry for you i tire of shutting it out because i never thought it could hurt me so you woke me up... to search for who i really was revealing my loneliness, unbearable i misread myself, by misreading my thoughts for you my thoughts for you but now i finally see what draws me to my chain of colors the thoughts they stir up that keep me asking: who am i? oh, who am i?
if your words lodged within me burning streamers... how could i stay the honest one? harboring these feelings ...engulfing me burn my memories... your tears the ultimate beauty… so deceived, by honesty similar needs, similar traits... a fear of being turned against, so hard to open... desire... desire... lose this fear; reveal my heart to you remain in this house as the walls tumble down my faith swirling round... my faith swirling round... maybe this all reveals… within each other, have we found our spirit?


This is the 3-chapter deluxe remastered edition of A CHAOS OF DESIRE.

There’s a new shine upon CHAOS’ dark beauty. On its 31st anniversary remaster, the ethereal gothic ambience of Black Tape For A Blue Girl’s 1991 fourth album swims in a sea of memory, a heart filled with pain and despondent hope. These 12 existential tales inhabit a chaotic realm of reflection, fear and desire set upon dense electronics confronting pained emotions. Oscar Herrera’s intense, searing vocals and Julianna Town’s sensitive siren song are strongly complemented by Vicki Richards’ sinewy violin. Throughout it all, songwriter and band leader Sam Rosenthal stirs up a brooding undertone of electronics, expressing the stages of desire and despair.

Remastered by Martin Bowes of Attrition, the digital release includes the full album, six of-the-era or modern alternate mixes, and the entire album in instrumental demo form.

What has been said about A CHAOS OF DESIRE?

SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE: Black Tape For A Blue Girl is a treasure of a band. Their sound is lush, full and beautiful, which is not to say wimpy. This is beauty with an edge, perhaps even a slightly desperate air. Richards supplies sensuous violin lines. Recommended.

BANDCAMP FAN COMMENTS MASHED INTO ONE QUOTE: Lush and sensual, it perfectly brings together all of the elements that draw me to the music of Black Tape for a Blue Girl. Richly textured and beautiful, this is a particularly powerful release from their outstanding collection of albums. A milestone! The soundscapes touch me on a spiritual level. It comes with me to places I only thought I could get to alone. Aural Beauty!

ALL MUSIC GUIDE: CHAOS ratchets up the lyrical intensity even more strongly than before. Given how intense Rosenthal generally is anyway with his words, this may seem a hard task to accomplish, but one listen to the lengthy, majestic album centerpiece, “The Hypocrite Is Me,” will confirm it — Herrera delivers a lyric of deep self-loathing with command, while the music backing him is an intense series of rumbling electronic tones matched at the end by a great, gently reverbed violin solo from guest performer Richards.

BSIDE MAGAZINE: This is more of that unexplainable type of lacy textured, swaying music. It’s actually sort of hallucinatory, the way things add and subtract and slowly swell… like the ocean. A CD for people who listen to Dead Can Dance and see mystical visions. This makes the Cocteau Twins sound upbeat with more of an emotional depth, more of a real despondency.

OPUS: The twelve songs on A CHAOS OF DESIRE move from dark explorations of love and heartache (which often feature Hererra's melodramatic vocals) to softer, more ambient pieces that blend Rosenthal’s synths with fragile string arrangements (e.g., “Beneath the Icy Floe,” “Of These Reminders”). As you might imagine, I prefer the latter, as they provide a perfect example of Projekt’s 'vintage' darkwave sound.

THE GAVIN REPORT: Moody songs of tragic beauty. The music is often moody and foreboding, soaring to incredible tonal levels. The vocals are clear and sparse, laden with emotion and intrigue. Certain to satisfy the neo-classical aficionado.

This was funded via Kickstarter.


released May 4, 1991

Fanzine + scans of '89-'90 early lyric drafts: www.blacktapeforabluegirl.com/chaos.pdf


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Black Tape For A Blue Girl Portland, Oregon

Black Tape For A Blue Girl creates darkwave, ethereal, neoclassical, ambient, goth albums. This page also includes my ambient/electronic music, as well as side-projects. Thanks for listening. Sam

Patrons receive exclusive music: blacktapeforabluegirl.bandcamp.com/patron

Formed in 1986
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